But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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