Girls should come with a carfax report
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
