You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
