i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
