if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
