Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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