there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
