After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
