He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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