True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
