mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
