His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
