He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
