I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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