where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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