found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
