hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
