Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
