glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
