Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
