Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
