I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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