you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
