bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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