They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
