Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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