You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
