OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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