Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
