Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
