I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
