You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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