You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
