In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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