I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
