I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
