so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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