the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
