So drunk its hurt
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
