I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
