Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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