You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize