I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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