So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
