Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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