We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
