i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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