my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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