Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
