Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
