if you like me you must not know who I am
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
