I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize