Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
