Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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