The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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