the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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