Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
