the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
