I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
