I'm passing your future prison.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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