the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its liver damage thursday
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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