I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
