and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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