it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think i have two assholes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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