I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize