Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
