just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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