so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
